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We have moved to a hosted site.
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It is Sunday the 16th…I spent yesterday afternoon writing this weeks post and I just managed to delete the whole thing and for the life of me, find a way to retrieve it….This week has been very busy with work (I’m Grateful!) and Friday nights the last 2+ months have been filled with working with my son’s high school football team. Now that’s over and I’m looking forward to having that time to keep current on my blog. Speaking of high school football and my son….
Several times over the past 10 years (that’s how long my son has been a high school math teacher and coach) I have watched my son (Joe) with deep admiration for the person he has become. His career is a lifestyle, not just a job. The amount of time, energy and emotions that he gives to his students and student athletes is awe inspiring. His life is truly a representation of “Give more, Get More.” He is only 32 years old, but he is known widely through out the community. He has legions of students who hated math until they took his classes. He is wise, selfless, and passionate. He has an enormous open heart and everyone knows it. He loves completely and he jumps into his relationships head first….This past spring when the school year ended, I asked him if he was excited to be done with school and now looking forward with enthusiasm to the next 2 and half months off. Most teachers I know look forward to the summers off more than the kids! But upon asking Joe about his feelings on this, he looked at me and said, “You know dad, you’d think that’s how I’d feel, but I don’t. I had several kids this year that have had a profound effect on me. I already miss them really bad.” He started to get emotional upon stating this. I said I thought he was experiencing a sense of loss and melancholy. He agreed. At that moment, I was profoundly affected by Joe and the realization that he was changing lives and in turn, lives were changing him. Even though he was feeling a sense of loss and more than a bit of sorrow, he was reaping the fruits of his commitment to his students. They appreciated his love, and sacrifice on their behalf and gave him gifts and heart felt letters of thanks. He was so blessed by their love. He told me he couldn’t read the notes and letters except by himself. He doesn’t weep openly, but I could tell he was close to getting emotional as he was telling me how he felt. You can bet I had some tears for him. It was an unexpected moment between the two of us and as a parent it couldn’t have been more gratifying or profound. Every goal that a dad or parent has in mind when that baby arrives was realized in that simple but poignant 5 minute conversation—The amount of love, pride and awe, that I felt for my son at that moment was overwhelming…I was reaping what my wife and I had sown…..Give more, Get back WAY more than we ever thought possible. We planted a seed, and we were given a beautiful forest. Joe’s life is an example of a life well lived. He has taken this gift of life and made the most of it. The greatest compliment that I can give to him is, he makes me want to be a better man, a man like him.
It’s midnight plus 15…I’m tuckered, but dang it, I haven’t got my blog posted yet for week 6….Ok…here goes.
this weeks task of creating a dream board has been fun and revealing. seeing 3 dimensional on my dream board really has driven my PPN’s and DMP into my heart. Once again I had no idea how long the task would take, but as I started into it, the magic began. Ideas for my board began to take shape. So of course, like cleaning the inside of my truck, a task that I thought would be a couple of hours that turned into over 6 hours, my dream board took an initial 5 hours and I’m not finished yet. I may need and entire wall of my office when is all said and done!
I’ve had internal wanderings about my PPN’s. Are the 2 that I selected really me? I had selected Liberty and Recognition for Creative Expression. I feel good about those 2, but True health and Legacy have signaled my heart as well…Now having said that, that without a doubt, Liberty stands tall in my heart. My whole life is dotted with thoughts and deeds that signified my desire for true freedom. I know that Autonomy is closely related to liberty but with one major distinction between the two, at least in my mind, and that is Liberty also has the financial component. A seemingly small but very significant difference between the two ideals. I know this one pretty well as I tried autonomy when I was younger.
Early on when I was 20 and the urge for adventure was at such an urgent peak in my life, and ‘method’ was not, I decided that on the spot, that I and a friend would hitch hike to Florida from California…without any money!— to be exact, I had 13 cents. Which is by the way, more than I had in my head, at least according to my wife when I told her this tale years later. My buddy was much more affluent than I as he had, 2 dollars on his person. Did I get the adventure I was seeking…Oh boy you bet! Was it foolish to try such a thing…Oh Boy you bet! In looking back, do I regret such impulsiveness?—Never—It was a time when dreams held much more fire in my heart and soul than how to attain them. I was operating from my imagination! There were moments of despair, mind numbing fatigue, hunger, saint like generosity, and moments of incredible bliss…One night in particular is etched into my memory.
We had managed to hitch hike to Needles CA…this is in July mind you…We were 8 to 9 hundred miles from our starting point of Tahoe on the side of the road during mid day. It was 114 degrees…No water and no food, one of us came to the realization, we might be in over our heads here, so to speak. I had a watch and other than the clothes on my back, was the only thing of value on my person, other than the 13 cents that is. As it happened, a mom and pop grocery store was across the street from where we were standing. I cooked up the idea of trading my watch for a loaf of bread, a package of baloney and some sliced cheese. The manager took one look at me and laughed and we made the trade. My buddy was ecstatic as it had been almost 2 days without anything to eat. We also made to the wise decision to leave the hitching until night and go down to the Colorado river under a bridge and EAT! We hunkered down in some tall grass and languished the rest of the day watching the river flow by. During the day we noticed that there was a rail yard across the river. Most of the trains going through were empty, slow moving cargo cars. We concocted a plan to wait until night and under cover of darkness, attempt to hop an empty freight car that was moving slow and get out of Needles….fast forward till around midnight. My buddy and I crossed the bridge and using the cover of darkness made our way to the side of the tracks…At this point in time, self doubt was thundering into our consciousness like a storm. My buddy said that maybe this wasn’t a very good plan. I think I uttered something like “NO SHIT!” But it was desperation…We were still a long way from Florida! Finally, a train was coming right at us. We’re hid in the waist high grass as the engine passed before us. It was a big throaty intimidating engine chugging not 20 feet from us. The ground was shaking from the immense rolling tonnage. I could see as the engine went by, several empty freight cars. It was now or never. My heart was pounding in my chest like sledge hammer. What if we got caught or worse, tried to jump on and miss and fall under the steel wheels and one of us dies in some kind of gruesome fashion?
the Train was starting to pick up speed, we made the decision. It was no longer a pipe dream, but “go” time. We jumped up out of the grass as an empty car was going by. My adrenaline was at maximum out put as I ran along side the car, placed my hands on the door opening and pushed myself up and in. My buddy was right behind me. He made it. We were in! I quickly peered into the dark empty car and saw, that indeed, we were the only passengers on this car. The car had the unmistakable smell of many past loads of card board boxes, but now, it was all ours. For the next 20 minutes, we stayed in out of site as the train sped up and we went by lighted buildings within the railroad complex. Fear was still the emotion in charge as we weren’t quite sure if by some tragic twist that we’d been spotted and the train would stop and throw us off and into jail, or as some legends I’d heard, some rail yard security would beat us senseless. If this was breaking the law, and I’m sure it was, it would be my first and only time. But the train kept going faster and faster and finally we pulled away form civilization and into the warm Arizona night. We sat at the edge of the opening with our feet dangling off the edge, listening to the rhythmic clicka-clacka of the steel wheels under us. The stars were brilliantly pulsating as only they can when one is lucky enough to be out in the silent dark desert. The wind blew through our hair and we felt like the kings of the universe as the desert night slid by us in one incredible view of cactus and mountains and rolling sand. The feeling I had then was indescribable. The razor sharp feeling of freedom and not knowing what the plan was to be going forward, was as liberating a state of mind as I had ever experienced and never quite came close to anything like it since.—we were in store for more life reality checks to be sure as the days going forward would show us, but right then and there, I knew autonomy up close and personal. Years later, I would hatch another plan to achieve another dream, only this time it was well financed…sorta…but that’s a tale for another day.
OMG…it’s Friday…a very challenging week indeed! I feel like a drunk juggler with 10 plates in the air….oooohha! All you in the front row… watch out!! So many things to get done….As Tony Horton says about Ab Ripper X…”I hate it!…But I love it!
This course, my goodness….It’s stressful, It’s wonderful, It’s frustrating, It’s enlightening, It’s not believable, It’s unbelievable!!! I think I’ve got it, I don’t have a clue….I’m brave, I’m scared to death….Terror and exhilaration….
The duality of this existence…this MKMMA immersive experience…Sometimes, I feel epiphanies coming one after another and it’s very exciting. Sometimes, I look in the mirror and wonder if I’ve ever had an original thought of my own and I’m just regurgitating what I’ve memorized and therefore not authentic…
one of the things I know for sure though is this: I yearn to be authentic and to impact others in ways that I have been impacted by those who are authentic …It’s a spiritual imperative…
Like all of us who hit the lottery…That is all of us who were the only ONES in anywhere from 100 million to 500 million sperms cells to be accepted to fertilize the female egg and get the one way ticket to life on earth, I feel it’s my obligation for having this incredible luck to show thanks in as big a way as I can to the universe for picking me! After all, I was picked for a reason, a purpose that only I was designed to get done… and now, to get beyond the curtain and find the real Wizard of Oz!!
I keep my promises
It was with a bit of foreboding that I listened to Mark J’s caution, ” week 4 is when we lose a lot of people. At first, I didn’t exactly know what that statement meant, but it filled me with a bit of anxiety…
The initial exhilaration of being selected after 2 failed attempts, had blown away like so many dried leaves and the bare branches was what’s left. the continual struggle to “be present” when doing the readings, Hell, just being able to do the readings and the homework for that matter, on top of the regular daily routine of work, chores and obligations to other family members. I thought my life was busy before! So now, after 4 weeks, Am I still in it to win it? Or Was there a convincing voice (monkey mind) chattering that all this stuff is a bunch of Hooey? Would this course end up being like a lot of other half hearted attempts that I talked myself into that ended in failure? Would this be another attempt at being Hercules, only to quietly fade away like the morning fog?
I must admit that I have had difficulty this week in my DMP re-write. I spent 2 precious hours on it only to trash it all and start over. Doubts about my goals as stated in my DMP, feeling a bit foolish about some of the large income numbers I listed, —you know, fear labeled as sound, practical reasoning. My old (but fading) inner blueprint sounding like a used car salesman, trying to convince me “you’re dreamin dude!”—– Well,I didn’t buy any of it. I’m walking off the car lot of forgotten dreams. I’m on a path with heart….I’ll work out the details as I go.
I’m here, I’m here! I’m here! and I’m not leaving until I get what I came here for!
Well,having said all the above, the course isn’t even close to being complete, and I must say that I did quit this week…I quit giving less than 100%—Yes, the internal push back is still there, but there is another determined voice inside saying “There’s no quitting on my watch, not now, not ever!”
I’m thinking of a famous quote from Marianne Williamson that is brilliant and even used by Nelson Mandela…
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
such powerful, loving, insightful words…They inspire me and fill me with a resolve that is as overpowering as Half Dome in Yosemite. I climb the hill behind my house and shout, ” Make room world, cause I’m here and I’ve got something to say and great gifts to share with you!”
I CAN BE WHAT I WILL TO BE!!! —I PROMISE
So since starting this course, I completed 2 tasks which needed doing for some time. The first task I chose was to organize the repair parts for my business. It had been 4 years since I’d organized it the last time. It felt empowering and has put a smile on my face every time I have had to retrieve a part and now know exactly where it is!
The second task was much more daunting. I had to clean the inside of my pick-up which I’ve used everyday for work the last 11 years. Years of dirt, dust, stains, receipts, pieces of paper, coins, old pens, you name it and it was probably somewhere in there. I started in about 9:30 am thinking that a couple of hours would do it and I’d have it all done. But the one phrase kept haunting me from the webinar; “Did you do the best you CAN?” or “Did you do your BEST?” In the ensuing hours I realized the gap between these two seemingly simple phrases. I had let “Sloth” another term I learned about this week, keep me from doing a task that had needed to be done regularly for many years previous. Now, 6 hours later at 3:00 pm I was still at it! With a trash can, a vacuum cleaner, a carpet cleaner, a putty knife, old wash rags and several buckets of soapy water as my tools, I cleaned my truck like I never cleaned it before! No nook and cranny escaped my putty knife and rag. I was doing my best, not the best that I can. For a second week in a row, my wife was very impressed. She said half kidding, “I suppose I have to take my shoes off now when I ride with you!” As simple and seemingly insignificant as this task seemed, getting it done has filled me with great pride and an elevated feeling of personal power, and everyday now when I get in, I take a moment to look and feel good all over again. A final bonus, reading my “chore” card now fills me with pride and emotion. My truck hasn’t looked this good since it was new. Simple task, doing my best, produces remarkable inner results!
mkmma week 2
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What I’m noticing presently is Haanel’s statement In line 17 of the first week. “All possession is based on consciousness. All gain is the result of an accumulative consciousness. All loss is the result of a scattering consciousness.”—In an effort to keep up with the exercises designed into the MKMMA course, I find that my consciousness is forced to focus on the exercises and to “reign in” my untrained thought processes to be focused, not scattered. And….creating new better habits. It’s the only way to keep up with the work for the class!—-
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